2003-12-21 - 6:52 p.m.
So I beleive that everyone has their own amount of psychic energy. Some of us, however, are a little more intuned to it. Some of us can be more intune to the people around us and feel their energy and where its going. Every person has a spirit and that spirit is charged with emotion and positive or negative energy. If you are aware of your own energies you can feel other peoples. Most of the time I am able to tune into myself well enough to see things more clearly and allow my "intuition" to guide a little more.
The thing about these television psychics and even people like Sylvia Brown is that I don't see how you can see all the possible outcomes. Life is a series of if, then statements. Like in finite math or geometry proofs. One single action in your life can change the rest of your life for better or for worse. The ripple effect doesn't just reach out to the person next to you but it reaches your own life in the future. The single decision my mother made to allow me to go live in South Bend instead of going to St. Ignatious or Kenwood Academy changed my life. It brought all of you people that still read this damn thing into my life. Had I stayed in Chicago I more than likely would have gone to college in Chicago or to University of Illinios. But that was a big decision. Even small ones make a greater degree of change. The night that I got on Gay.com and talked to Nicky was a night that impacted my life and changed it. Had I not gotten on that night and watched a movie with Paul, Will and Craig my life would be different. I wouldn't have had someone as amazing as Nicky come into my life even if it was for a short time. (I say a short time because I don't know where life is taking us now.) Decisions as small as saying "thank you" to someone can change your life. That single thank you can bring up further conversation and you could meet Mr. or Mrs. Right just then and there. It happens.
For even me, someone that believes that I am better tuned into my intuition, I don't think that I can see all possbile outcomes of my lifes if, then statement.
The dangerous thing is that you can't sit there and make every decision as though its going to change your life. Then you become paranoid and you become almost obsessed with every decision in life. Why am I writing this particular entry. . . Well because of a prediction that I have made about my life for as long as I can remember. The thing is, someone who claims to be a psychic said confirmed my beliefs.
I have always said that I wouldn't settle down or get married until I was 30. I never said when I would meet this person, nor did the "psychic". Both of us, however, see in my life that I will be in and out of long term relationships until that time. Maybe in the next 8 years I will fall in and out of love here and there. But even having this prediction confirmed for me makes it a little hard to swallow.
I don't see how every possible if, then statement that my decisions lead me to over the next 8 years will all end in that conclusion. So I'm going to live one day at a time and not worry about 30 or being single. Its really not that bad anyway. There is a lot of time and effort that goes into a relationship. There are expectations that each party has. I feel like I am at an age where I have a steady job, I am in school and my life is in order. The only thing I feel like I am missing is that special someone to come home to, to call when I have had a bad day. Its nice to wake up next to the same person, long for one person and know that they are longing for you. Its even better when you have a spiritual, emotional, mental and physical connection. The important thing is love should make you feel free. There is a certain amount of freedom you should feel when you get into a relationship with someone and feel like you are in love. The kind of love I want won't limit me but open up all kinds of doors and possibilities. Every time I see him or her
