2003-04-13 - 10:33 a.m.
So I threw myself back into the world of dating head first last week. That was a big dumb mistake. In a week I have gone from 4 prospects to really only wanting to be bothered with 1 of them. And that one I would most likely only be dating to be dating someone or because he doesn't get on my nerves. Thats not a reason to date someone really. And maybe that wouldnt be the reason but for now we will say it is.
I've discovered though that I am much happier alone. I love having friends that I can cuddle with on a bad night watch a movie and just hang out with. But when youre dating and have a boyfriend people want to know where you are all the time and what youre doing. I need space. The moment I talk to you more than once about what my plans are I feel smothered. Unconsciously at that point I do things to intentionally make you back off. I'm so paranoid about love and the whole idea of dating and courtship that I spaz out in the back of my mind and immediately "operation saboutage" becomes the first line of defense.
THE GIRL NEXT DOOR THINKS THAT SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BLAST HER MUSIC FOR SEVERAL HOURS A DAY NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. SHE IS REALLY SHORT AND I CAN EASILY KICK HER IN HER FOREHEAD!
I don't do well with games of cat and mouse. I have my own set of games the I like to play. And unfortunately boys don't know the rules. The ones that do unfortunately will never see me that way. Yeah I'm talking about Anthony Corleone. He likes to play my game. But he also plays this game of come here, go away. I don't like that game. I play it and its not a fair one depending on which player is the moderator. He knows that I love him. That bastard. Especially seeing as how even given the oppurtunity I wouldn't be with him. Its just mildly annoying thats all I'm saying.
IM REALLY GOING TO KICK THE BITCH IN THE FOREHEAD.
So another issue I'm having. I'm an easy going laid back person. Most of the time my general attitude is, "I really don't give a fuck." The thing about this is that although people realize it, they don't realize what it means. It boils down to your attitude, your opinions, your comments, yeah they pretty much don't mean shit unless I asked and even then if I immensely disagree with you, it really doesn't mean shit. Some of you lately have been brining me attitude that I don't have the time or patience to tolerate. I dont know who shit in your corn flakes but it wasn't me. I'm the mother fucking princess. Its my fucking party and I will cry if I want to. Eat my ass. Stop worrying about what the fuck I'm doing or who I am with and mind your own damn business. You got too much motha fuckin time on your hands and shit. No I know it sounds rude and maybe directed at one person but its actually a general warning. Some people lately have been treading thin ice.
I'm not perfect. I'm an ever changing being. I recreate myself as necessary. I don't have all the answers nor do I pretend to. I'm human too. I can't be your superman. Who the hell is going to rescue me? I have heartburn.
