2003-03-09 - 1:24 a.m.
I'm currently at work. I work nights at the hotel from time to time. Its been a while since I updated everyone on my life and vented my feelings about various things. So here goes nothing. . .
Pledge Induction- I really desperately cannot wait for the colony to become a chapter and become autonomous from the national organization. We have all these hoops that we have to jumpo through for them and for the IFC and at times it can be overwhelming. I'm glad we are a small group because things function better when it is that way. We get along with everyone and we get more done believe it or not. But with more people it would be easier to delegate more responsibility. Right now doing everything with 3 people gets difficult. The three of us work hard on DLP because we have a vision of what it can be and we have all grown and learned because of it. We do it because once we commit to something we stay commited and put in the work like we are supposed to. Yes, we could do a better job. But with all of us being busy with school, work and other activities it is hardly easy to devote all your time to it. I wish that some of the inactives would come back but at the same time they didn't do shit when they were around. No matter what they are still our family and we still love them dearly even if we do want to shove hot pokers up their asses.
We do have 4 pledges this semester which I am excited about. I wish there were 5 because there is/was an excellent rush whom I believe could have brought a lot to the group. Although he wont wear the letters of the fraternity he is still our family and I am learning that it becomes important to people who is in their family tree. I would have loved to have had him in my line as my little brother. But no matter what we have an excellent group of guys this semester and I hope they see what fire we still have for the fraternity and we can pass it on to them.
Ken and I are getting an apartment together next fall. We are moving to Park Doral. Although I wasnt a big fan of the complex it is cheaper and I will deal. I just need to get a car and not have a reason to bitch. Its a nice apartment and it will cost me about 350 a month for everything cable included. Ken and I are going to decorate the hell out of that apartment. Initially I was worried about the clash of personalities with Ken and I. But I think we understand eachother. Besides we are both adults and if it doesnt kill us itll at least . . . guarentee us a spot on the next "Real World" cast.
My grades have improved drastically since I have stopped caring about men and started taking time to just sit somewhere other than my room and study. I get a lot more done. Also its made me realize that maybe Im so much better off alone. Like I talked to Captain Asshole the other day and he is bucking all of his plans and so forth for the next few years to stick around here for a boy. He may very well love Dan. Great. But to plan your life on someone that you may or may not be with tomorrow. On top of that he also is involved in a production of West Side Story that Dan is also involved in. He is hating the director and the section coaches but he wont quit even though its making him miserable because Dan isnt going to quit. I am relieved not to do things like that with my life anymore. Sitting around doing nothing because of a boy. Fuck boys. Fuck love. Love fucked me and I really counldn't give two shits about what its plans for me are. Except I don't want to be alone forever. Some mild feelings for Pablo came back recently. I'm ignoring them because its a good idea.
I haven't been spending much time alone lately. I kind of miss doing so. I love being around people and being social. But at the same time I miss just sitting in my room alone and thinking. I miss meditating. And in some ways it is effecting my life as a whole. I'm not spiritually in balance anymore. At least I don't feel like I am.
He's come undone.
