2002-11-04 - 6:43 p.m.
Pablo. . . I know that he knows. Everytime I look in his eyes there is something there between us both that says exactly what we are both thinking and refusing to act on. He has to know it because everytime he looks me in the eye I look away. Like a shy and gifddy little girl. I don't know why we are dancing around eachother the way that we are. I think we are maybe both afraid of what could or would happen.
I told Anthony Corleone that I was going to make him fall in love with me. I'm not quite sure what the point of my telling him this was. I don't want to be with him. While trying to explain to a friend the difference I told her that I want to make out with Anthony Corleone and play all the little mind games that people play when they just want to screw. Whereas when it comes to Pablo Picasso I want to hold him, get to know him and become a part of him. I want to love him.
I was questioning if I have really learned my lesson after dealing with Cap'n Asshole. I'm concerned that there is a chance I have not. What if I have learned nothing at all and I am still weak and foolish? Blasted!!!!!!!!
So anyway I went to Indy this weekend with Craigory. We ate, shopped and clubbed with my fag hag Melissa. I love that girl. Can I just tell you she is one crazy bitch? OK. .. She is one crazy bitch. It was the most fun I have had in a while. Once again the music took over my body and soul. Yes, I was one with the beat. I think in a past life I was a dancer. Maybe Josephine Baker. LOL whatever.
I can't hide it, I won't deny it, I wanna ride it. Cause I'm addicted to drums and I'm a slave to the dark beat.
