2002-08-23 - 1:57 a.m.
I forgot what it felt like to be alone. After I got off work tonight I was sitting there alone with my thoughts. It was the first time in a while that the only thing breaking the silence was my own thoughts. After the ex-husband and I stopped whatever charade we were carrying on you know who came along and we started spending all our time together. I had gotten so used to someone being there all the time that I didnt know what it was like to just be with myself anymore. Suddenly I'm inspired to write again and to do the things that used to give me peace. I was so caught up on someone being there and not being alone that I didn't realize it was a gift. I like talking and interacting but no one finds my opinions and thoughts or stories more interesting than me. Not even those of you that bother looking at this web diary appreciate it as much as I do. I guess I dont have to be the center of attention or be the funniest or whatever. Im fine alone. In fact Im probably better off.
So at work today there were all these old guys who play a lot of softball and are on some kind of league thats having a tournament here. They seriously annoyed the shit out of me. On top of them all talking at once and trying to argue with me about what room they should be in etc. They decided that I looked like Suge Knight. Thats right folks the angry, dangerous bald black guy that is the head of Death Row records and I apparently could be twins. Who would have thunk it?
One of the gentlemen then asked that I try not to hit on his wife. He said she was hot and he knew a player like me would try to get on that. When I informed him that I was a flaming homo and would have no parts of his wife unless it was a threesome he somehow lost his sense of humor.
Now I ask you, why the hell do hotel guests like to mess with the angry black man? Furthermore why do old white men try to act like "they are down with the brother's from the hood."
I am not a hood, from the hood nor do I know where to find it. I'm terribly sorry but I do not speak like a thug nor do I act like one. There is no thug in me, although I wouldn't mind trying it at least once. (Double entendre, just for those that are a little slow.)
Do you ever feel like someone is trying to steal your identity? Sometimes I think my new friend, you know who, wants to be me. He doesnt want to do me, be with me or anything like that. I'm convinced he wants my life. I dont know why. Ive had two failed marriages, bad credit and I'm fat at only 21 years of age. Maybe this is just more of God
s mocking.
Alright Freak Hoes, you know the drill. Do the damn thang.
