2002-08-20 - 8:35 p.m.
Being the prince of plaid I am required to keep my closet stocked full of multicolored plaid patterned clothing. Unfortuneately rugby and stripes threaten to make my clothing out of style. This threat is not taken lightly.
I'm not sure if everyone understands what this means. Horizontal strips on me are a very bad idea. Im fat. Horizontal will just make me look wider and fatter and more horrid. This is what Im talking about when I say that God is mocking me as well as the rest of the world. God allowed the fashion police to decide that it would be ok if they made everyone wear HORIZONTAL stripes. Why couldnt verticle stripes be the style of the season?
To top it off I have no money. I went shopping today and I didnt have the money to afford the stuff but I bought it anyway. So what? Anyway the point is I hate horizontal stripes, I hate being broke and I hate the possible elimination of plaid. So have you ever felt like you were being watched. The only place I feel that there may not be cameras or someone watching me is in stairwells. Otherwise eyes follow me everywhere I turn. They are watching me because I dance about crazily and flail my arms about like the flaming homosexual that I am. They want to see me doing all the embarassing things that they can so that they can be held against me at some later point in my life. I think they also watch me to because I always have something in my nose. I think there is a village in there. It seems no matter how much I blow and pick there are always more of them hiding in there. Maybe there arent really any boogers in there at all. Maybe its the fact that I'm actually a psychopath, or that I was abducted by aliens that implanted things in my nose. That also might explain the combination of high IQ and learning disablity that I somehow suffer. What if all my life I've gotten good or decent grades but truthfully Im a genius but have had a learning disablity that was allowed to go uncorrected or acknowledged. More later. My large brian is beginning to hurt.
